i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh … . And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you quite so new

– e. e. cummings, 1925

With you I am calm
A pearl in your oyster
Head on my chest and a silent smile,

a private kind of happiness
You see giant proclamations are all very well
But our love is louder than words.

Life is too much lately.

The night we drove for miles, looking for sections of the ground that don’t exist anymore. You watched me from the passenger seat and touched my hair, I had no words. You enjoyed being a passenger in my moving car, floating too close to the edge, through the darkness, on a chilled night. You watched me leap over mounds of dirt, and dodging puddles. I couldn’t let the night end, we dove in another direction and found a new place to talk about dreams. The thought of separation was too much to handle, we waited behind dark buildings, with the stars hanging above us. Everything was complicated, but still so simple. You were all that mattered. That moment was all that mattered. We whispered for a long time, touching all the bare skin we could find, Just like every time I left your side it took a long time to come back to the world. To face reality.

Reality has been kicking my ass lately, I cant leave the mess behind, fall back into that blissful world.

It’s a worn out conversation, and trampled topic. I can take the blame, I can carry the weight but I am angry.. I don’t feel completely at fault. I know I have not been myself. But neither have you, Not the way you were in the beginning. Sweetness no longer wanted, kisses declined. I want that.. I want the contact, I want you to come with me to do things, the simplest of trips. Actions. Words. Mean the most me. The effort that was there is missed. The effort I put in is dismissed. I don’t want another relationship where I do things on my own.. I want to do and experience things together. That wont change.. It shouldn’t be an unusual thing that I care about you the way I do. It should be a comforting feeling.. I will do anything to bring back the fairytale, to reconstruct the perfect world we created, before we let the bad come in..

I wrote you a long loving letter, filled with appologies for the way I have been acting this last month. And how I am so greatful for everything you do for me. Then I fucked it up… Big surprise.. And everything got deleted… So I am sorry for my piss mood. I love you. Lol

Hottest bitch I have ever seen. Ever. 

I have never been so happy, so fulfilled, so lucky. I feel like I wasn’t living before you, simply waiting. Knowing, somehow, we would end up here. That my flawless better half would find me. I wish so badly that I could show you what you are to me. The way you are the sun of my universe. My king. My everything. I love that smile. The smile that you try not to let escape. The smile that is only for me. The smile when I am at my strangest. The smile that lights up my entire world. I look forward to it all day. That smile deserves the world. 

I have never felt as beautiful as I do when you are there, when my skin is under your finger tips. When you hold me in your gaze. Every emotion I have with you is new, unexperienced. Incredible. Happiness is euphoric. Anger is rage. Sadness is beyond heartbreak… And love… Love is uncontrollable, vibrant, tangible. The word itself isn’t enough. It doesn’t adequately describe the way I feel. The way I burn for you. The way my skin tingles for you. 

“If I talk real slowly. 

If I try real hard, 

To make my point dear, 

That you have my heart..”

I love you. I love you. 

I feel like this must be a day dream, I feel so motionless, stuck in a fog. This room, these streets, time.. Rushing so furiously around me. I’ve dreamed, wished. Yearned for this day.

In the last months we have been through an incredible amount, you have sacrificed so much, put forth so much effort to keep my world so tenderly spinning. In the beginning I kept so many thoughts, day dreams, trapped in the back of my mind. Terrified to let them erupt into my being. To be hopeful for things that may never happen. They escaped, ran rampant, filled me so fully with light. Swirled effortlessly with the ever so present butterflies. Now, just a few short hours and those months of wandering mind will not have been in vain.

You have made my every hope, dream, and whim come to fruition. I am so undeserving. So unbelievably thankful for you.

I love you without measure.